Missing
by Lizzingtoness
Summary: After a fight with Reddington at the Post Office, Liz goes missing. Everyone thinks that Reddington kidnapped her and Ressler is determined to find her. Lizzington.
1. Chapter 1

**Thank you for the prompt! You know who you are ;)**

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"Enough, Reddington! I am so sick and tired of being your plaything!" Elizabeth's voice could be heard all over the Post Office, the anger in it causing all of the workers to stop and turn towards the agent's office. "You keep tabs on everything I do. You watch me like a hawk, you know all of my secrets and yet, I don't know a damn thing about you! We've been working together for five years… FIVE YEARS! I just… I just can't… I can't…" her voice trailed off and the agents all turned to each other with sad eyes, fearing the end of their jobs.

"Elizabeth, you know I'm only trying to protect you."

"Bull!" Elizabeth shouted again. "You just want to keep me coming back to you. Leave, Reddington. Just… leave."

The door to the office opened and everyone immediately jumped back into action, trying to act as though they hadn't just witnessed what they had as Raymond Reddington, the infamous Concierge of Crime stormed through the office to the elevator. The door to Elizabeth Keen's office slammed shut and the hush returned to the main floor. No one knew what to say, no one knew what to do. The only consensus among them all was that this was truly the end of an era. The end of the blacklist.

LIZZINGTON

"This just in, one of the rising stars of the FBI, Special Agent Elizabeth Keen has been reported missing. She was last seen leaving a parking deck on the corner of 14th and North Main Street. If anyone has any information on her whereabouts please call the FBI or the local police station. In other news the President addressed Congress today-"

"This is ridiculous!" Ressler shouted as his coworker's picture faded off the screen.

"Ress-" Cooper started but was cut off by an enraged Ressler.

"No, Harold! We know who took her! Reddington did. We all know it!" He looked around and saw all of is coworkers looking at their shoes as if silently admitting that they did, in fact, agree with him. "But we can't say that on the news! And she gets like 10 seconds on tv in the hopes that someone saw him dragging her away. He's the freaking Concierge of Crime. No one saw him take her if he didn't want them to… and God knows he didn't want them to. She's gone. He took her. We have to find him."

"B-but how are we going to do that?" Aram asked quietly. "Like you said, if Mr. Reddington doesn't want to be found, he won't be."

"We'll find a way. Aram, start searching for anyone who even remotely looks like her on all traffic cameras, in the back of all pictures uploaded to any social networking site. Navabi, you're coming with me and you're going to tell me everything you know about the relationship between Reddington and Liz's past." The Mossad agent scoffed at his demands. "Something funny?"

"I don't know anything about their past or present. And if I did, don't you think that Reddington would have already put the fear of Allah in me to keep quiet?"

"Right now, I think you should be more afraid of me," the blonde man growled.

"Oh, now that is laughable-"

"Enough!" Harold Cooper roared. "Ressler, I know that you and Agent Keen had a… dalliance a few years back," Ressler made to object but stopped at Cooper's raised hand. "I don't care about that, but I do know that it left you with a certain spot for Keen in your heart. However, yelling at your fellow agents and threatening them is not going to solve anything. Agent Navabi will tell you what she knows, or at least what she is willing to divulge, and you will just have to take that. She is your partner now. You have to trust her, and that means trusting that she tells you all she knows, or that she has a damned good reason not to. You all do what you can to find her, work together, and I will do what I can. We meet back here in three hours for a follow-up. Got it?" Everyone nodded. "Good, now get to work."

"You and Agent Keen?" Aram's voice was quiet but his eyes were as wide as saucers. Samar laughed and rolled her eyes as Donald scowled and walked away. "Did you know about this?" he asked innocently. Samar just laughed again as she fixed him with a look that told him his question was stupid. "Mossad.. right… you know everything."

"That's right." She kissed his temple as she followed Ressler into his and Liz's shared office. "Ressler?"

"I'm not really in the mood, Navabi," his voice cut through the air.

"We will find her, Ressler." The unexpected words of comfort cut through his facade and his body went limp, his head falling slightly as his body hunched over his desk.

"I'm scared for her. After the other day… you've gotta know Reddington's pissed."

"You and I both know," Samar began as she sat in a seat across his desk from him, "That Reddington would not hurt a hair on Elizabeth Keen's head."

"I'm not worried about her physical well-being."

Samar hesitated not knowing what to say to combat his petulance. Finally, she reached across the desk and placed her hand over his. "We will find her, but have you ever thought that she might not… want to be found?"

At the words, Ressler sat up bolt right, his eyes merely slits as he glared at the woman across from him who seemed unfazed by his change in demeanor. "She hates him. You heard them the other day. She doesn't want to work with him, let alone get lost with him."

Samar raised her hand in surrender with a sigh. "Whatever you say."

Ressler took a moment to compose himself before turning back to her. "Now, tell me all that you know."

LIZZINGTON

Raymond Reddington stood in the spray of his turbo jet shower, letting the hot water wash off the stress of his day. The US Government had announced Lizzie missing this morning and he knew it was only a matter of time before they started looking for them. Everything was set in place for them to disappear off the face of the earth, he was just waiting for one more piece to fall into place.

Two arms wrapped around his middle, the cold metal band that rested on one of the hands in contrast with the heat of his skin only served to send more shivers down his spine than already existed at her mere proximity. The kiss to his scarred shoulder blade was nearly his undoing. He smiled. Finally, his last puzzle piece.

"Did you see? I went missing today." Her voice had dropped significantly in pitch, her tell that she was highly aroused. He turned in her arms, wrapping his own around her naked body, relishing in the feel of her against him.

"I did, Lizzie. You have probably given the government a good fright."

She took a deep breath before exhaling, "You're probably right."

"Sweetheart, it's still undoable. If you want to go back you can. I'm not keeping you here."

Elizabeth studied his face, already knowing his words were true but never tiring of seeing the love he had for her displayed in his eyes. "No, I want to be right here, Raymond." She reached and turned off the water. "Well, maybe not right… here." She smiled seductively at him as she pulled him closer to her.

"Oh? And where would you rather be, Mrs. Reddington?" he breathed into her ear before dipping his head farther and kissing behind her ear.

"Take me to bed, Ray." With a primal growl, Reddington lifted his wife off of the shower floor and carried her as fast as he could into the bedroom and to the bed. He stopped short of dropping her on it, choosing to, instead, set her feet on the ground gently beside it. When he was sure that she was stable, he removed one hand and cupped her face with it, almost reverently. "What?" her voice was barely a whisper but he heard it.

"I was scared you would change your mind," he admitted and she was proud to have gained his trust enough for him to admit this. "It's not going to be easy, Lizzie. At first we will be moving a lot until we can find a more permanent place to stay."

"That's fine."

"It will be dangerous too. I'm still working, and I work with many bad people, some worse than a few of the Blacklisters. Hell some of them were Blacklisters we just didn't get to them before everything went down."

"How exciting."

"I'm serious, Lizzie," both of his hands were framing her face now.

"So am I. I believe that I've proved I can handle my own in most situations, and those that I can't, well that's what I have you for, right? Raymond, I'm not going anywhere. I love you." They looked at each other for a minute before both moved to speak at the same time. Lizzie won. "Happy anniversary!"

An adoring smile broke out onto his face as he looked at the joy on her face. Pulling the hand with her wedding ring up to his mouth, he kissed it. "It's hard to believe I put this ring on your finger two years ago."

"Its hard to believe I put that ring on your finger two years ago," she quipped, gesturing to his ring. "What were you going to say?" He looked at her quizzically. "Earlier… when I went to tell you happy anniversary, you almost said something too."

"Oh. I was just going to say: I love you too, Lizzie, more than you can imagine."

"If I can't imagine it," she began as she extricated herself from him and scooted to the middle of the bed, "then you'll just have to show me… How much do you love me, Raymond?" Her voice was a purr and Reddington couldn't take any more, causing him to catapult himself at his wife which only elicited a giggle, a true giggle, from her lips.

LIZZINGTON

Donald Ressler sat alone in his closed office staring at a number scribbled on the back of a business card, contemplating the pros and cons of calling it. The number's owner had instructed him to call should anything bad ever happen to Liz. The only problem was, Ressler couldn't decide which was worse: Liz being with Red, or him calling this number for help to find her. Finally, he gave up the inner debate and dialed the number. The phone rang four times before a gruff voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Tom? It's Ressler. Reddington has kidnapped Liz. I need your help to find her."

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to those that reviewed! I really really appreciate you all! I hope you all enjoy this next installment!**

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In a darkly lit bar, Ressler waited for Tom to show. He knew that this probably wasn't the best plan but he **had** to find Liz, she needed his help and he'd ally with anyone who could offer him help in finding her.

The bell above the door jingled and Donald looked to see Tom strolling over to him. "Tell me what happened," Tom demanded as he sat down and Ressler relayed everything that he knew from the fight at the Post Office all the way to her disappearance.

"It does sound like he's the culprit behind her disappearance," Tom agreed.

"I just don't know how we're supposed to find her. If Reddington-"

"We will find her," Tom cut in. "I have a friend that has written a computer program that hacks into all of the camera's across the globe and can search for a face among them all. I'll give him her picture and get back to you." Tom moved to get up.

"Wait, don't you need a picture of her?" he asked as he went to pull out his wallet.

"No," Tom answered as he stood from the table. "I have my own." He pulled his hood over his head and walked out of the bar.

LIZZINGTON

"So, how is this going to work, exactly?" Elizabeth asked as she lay cuddled to her husband's chest, fingers playing in the soft hair that grew there.

She felt rather than heard him take a deep breath as he tried to wake himself up enough to respond, "How is what going to work, sweetheart?"

"Us. You and me. What are we going to do?" She shifted to look at his face but his eyes were still shut. Tugging lightly on his chest hair, she got enough of his attention for him to squint at her. "I'm serious, Red. I need you to teach me what I'm doing here."

"There's nothing to teach."

"Oh, but there is. If I'm to help reign over your empire, don't I need to know about it?" This was enough to wake him fully and he turned, fully encircling her in his arms as he shifted to make full eye-contact with her.

"Lizzie, I-" He stopped not sure how to say that he didn't want her working in his business without her getting the wrong idea. "Do you remember the story I told you about the fish? When we were working on the pressure gauges in the Luther Braxton case."

"The ray of light story… yes I remember." How could she forget? That was the first time she felt the now familiar tug in her heart towards him.

"You're that ray of light in my life, Lizzie." he swept the hair out of her face with the pads of his fingers, bringing them back to run back and forth across her cheekbone. "I can't let you get sucked into my world like that. I'm too scared that light will go out."

"Raymond, trust me, I'm not going to go out, but I need to be there with you. You are my husband, we are partners in life, Raymond. We've been working partners for a lot longer. You can't shut me out now. Besides, wouldn't you rather know that I am there. Know where I am in reference to everybody rather than risk me getting caught when I go by myself? Because you can tell me not to go all you want but you know I'll end up there anyway."

"You wouldn't dare." There was no humor in his voice.

"Oh, but wouldn't I?" Their eyes stayed in contact, battling each other in terms of will as their naked bodies remained intwined.

"Fine, but when we go, you do as I say, understand?"

"Isn't that how it's always been done? I've gone with you on business before, Red." She brushed her hand over his cheek as she moved her to the back of his head, scratching his scalp with her fingernails.

"I know, but can you promise me one thing?"

"It depends on the thing," she joked, chuckling slightly, trying to lift the mood.

"No, Elizabeth, this is very important. I need you to promise this to me. I don't even know if it is on your radar- our radar- any time soon but I need to know for my own peace of mind whenever we- I mean I don't know how you'd feel-" Elizabeth had never seen him so worked up about anything. He seemed almost… nervous to talk to her about it.

"What do you want me to promise you, Ray?"

Raymond stopped rambling and looked her in the eyes as he gently rolled her onto her back, pulling himself to hover over her. Once above her he just looked her in the eye. His Lizzie. **_His._** "Promise me," he had to clear his throat to clear the emotion from his voice, "that if you get pregnant, that you will stop going with me as soon as you start to show." Her body went rigid beneath his. It seemed like she had even forgotten how to breath. "Lizzie?" Her eyes moved back to his but it was a definite "the lights are on but there's nobody home" stare. "Lizzie?" He asked, prompting her to fully come back to him with a brush of his lips.

She physically shook herself before fully looking him in the eyes. "I promise," she whispered.

"Thank you," he kissed her neck. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." The relief that flooded over him brought back the exhaustion he had earlier and he rolled off of her but brought the front of his body to her side, his arm wrapping around her.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he mumbled. "Well good morning I guess," he yawned "but you wore me out last night, Lizzie. Good thing we aren't set to leave until this evening."

Elizabeth ran her hand up his forearm, over his elbow and halfway up his bicep before retracing her path back down. She repeated this motion a few times before kissing his bicep. "I love you, Raymond."

There was something off about her voice but half-asleep, Raymond Reddington chalked that up to her being taken by surprise at his request. With a kiss to her temple, Raymond welcomed sleep with open arms.

Elizabeth, however, remained awake mulling over his words. Children? He wanted to have kids with her? _Of course he wants children, you idiot._ She scolded herself. How could he not? He may seem like a hardened criminal to the world but she knew her husband better than anyone else, had seen the way that he reacted to the kids they had come into contact with throughout their time together. Elizabeth turned her head to look at the man laying beside her. A small smile flitted across her face, the same one that always did when she was reminded of just how much she loved the man beside her.

Sneaking out of the bed, she wrapped the blankets around Raymond to just the height he preferred before gathering her stuff from the bathroom and an outfit for the day, having already decided to get ready in a guest room so as not to wake him.

When she was ready she trudged down the stairs to see a very sleepy looking Dembe reading over the newspaper and drinking coffee. "Are you ok, Dembe?" she asked, having come to genuinely care for the man over the years.

"I am fine, Liz. Just could not sleep last night." His voice was scratchy and she became concerned.

"Why not? Dembe, are you sick?" The look he gave her over the top of the newspaper told her exactly the reason why he hadn't been able to sleep. It had nothing to do with his health and everything to do with the fact that she and Raymond had both been very… vocal the night before. A crimson blush ran up her neck and into her cheeks as she mumbled an apology. She turned and made her coffee in a mug before pulling on a coat. Dembe stiffened.

"Agen- Mrs. Reddington, what are you doing?" The concern on the body guard's face melted her heart a little.

"Out. I am going to go get breakfast at a little cafe Red showed me the last time we were in Copenhagen. And Dembe, it's Liz, remember? Just because I married Reddington doesn't make me your boss, and besides, you call him Raymond."

"I am coming with you." Dembe moved to get his jacket and gun but Liz was already at the door.

"No, Dembe, I will be fine," she stated as she left the apartment. Despite her refusal, Liz heard the door open and close behind her, signaling that Dembe had chosen to once again protect her over Red. Not like he had much choice in the matter though. They both knew that Raymond would have his hide if something happened to her because he had made the other choice. As soon as she stepped out of the building she breathed the fresh morning air and knew that this walk was a good idea. She needed a moment to clear her mind after that conversation this morning.

The cafe wasn't too far from where they were staying, a fact Liz was truly glad for. She was really hungry. Stepping up to the counter she ordered two slices of coffee bread and a morning poppy. After paying she walked up to Dembe, handing him one slice of coffee bread. "Care to join me?" Dembe smiled and she lead him to a table on the sidewalk just outside of the bakery. The two ate in silence, merely enjoying their food and he fresh air. "Dembe, may I ask you a question?" The body guard nodded. "Has Ray ever said anything to you about… children? As in having them… with me?" The man was shocked. Out of all the things she could have asked him…

"Liz, I-"

"Please, Dembe, I need to know. He said something this morning and I need to know if he actually meant it… If he actually wants to have children with me," she looked down, and Dembe thought she almost looked, ashamed, "or if he was just saying it as a precaution." Dembe sat in silence as they both studied one another. "Please." It was the slight crack in her voice as her eyes met his that convinced Dembe to tell her the truth.

"Raymond has never said anything… in his full capacity. He did, however mention it one time. It was after you two had a fight… almost a year ago, and you stormed out of the safe house. He was drunk and he was talking about you and how he missed you. Then he spoke about how he wanted you back because he wanted to take you away and start a family with you. He wanted two kids and a dog. A pool in the backyard. A swing set too." Dembe noticed the tear streaming down her cheek. "But, Liz, he was very… very drunk."

"I think… I'm ready to go home now." Elizabeth wiped the tears off of her cheeks as she gathered the morning poppy she had bought for Raymond and her trash that needed throwing away. Dembe took her by the arm and began to lead her back to their current home.

LIZZINGTON

Donald Ressler woke up with a start as he fumbled to answer his ringing phone. "Hello?"

"Ressler," The man fully awoke at the voice traveling through his phone. "I've found her. The program found her being pulled into an apartment building by Reddington's guard in Copenhagen. Meet me at Reagan in 40 minutes. We're going to get her." The line went dead and Ressler immediately jumped into action.

"I'm coming to get you Liz."

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 **A/N: So… let me know what you think please! I'd love to hear your thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 3

When Dembe and Liz walked into the apartment, Red was sitting on the balcony with his morning cup of coffee. Immediately it hit Liz that she hadn't left him any kind of note as to where she was so that he wouldn't worry. She froze and turned to Dembe who chuckled slightly. "I messaged him."

A wave of relief crashed over her as she walked toward the balcony. He turned when he heard the door open. The smile on his face made her heart ache with the amount of love she felt for him. "What happened to sleeping all afternoon?"

"I couldn't."

"I brought you breakfast," she walked towards him, the morning poppy extended in his direction.

"Thank you, sweetheart." He took the pastry from her and began to eat it. Liz sat in the chair next to his, taking a sip from his coffee cup. "What time do we leave today?" her voice held a hint of distaste at having to leave their current location. She loved Copenhagen.

"We're scheduled to leave at 8 tonight."

"Actually, Raymond," Dembe cut in, having just walked out onto the terrace. "I just got a call from Daroga, his wife is in the hospital. He called Phimir to ask if he could fill in but he cannot get here until 10. Daroga wants to know if it would be okay for the transfer to happen a little later." Raymond looked at Lizzie and knew that, should anything have happened to her, he would not be able to function, Raymond nodded to Dembe that it would be fine and the body guard disappeared back into the apartment.

Liz stood and sat herself across Raymond's lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed the side of his head and snuggled into him. "Not that I'm complaining, because I'm not, but what's with all the snuggling, Lizzie?"

"I just… I don't know. Everything is changing in my life. You, and Dembe, are the only constants in my life at the moment… I don't think he'd take too kindly to me snuggling with him." She ran her palm over his cheek.

"Dembe? oh, Lizzie, he's a natural snuggler." The amused smile on Red's face nearly took her breath away. He was so happy.

"Oh I'm so sure," she mumbled as she leaned in to brush her lips across his. "But I just don't think that it's the same."

"No probably not," he breathed as he threaded his fingers through her hair, pulling her body even closer against his, sliding his tongue into her mouth to caress hers. "Why don't we take this inside?" he growled.

"Okay," her voice was breathless and Raymond doubted that he had ever heard a sound that was more arousing in his life.

Lizzie stood first, reaching for his hand and threading her fingers through his the second his palm touched hers. She pulled him into the apartment and they stopped at the sight of Dembe in the kitchen. Elizabeth took pity on the body guard seeing as he had been kept up due to them last night. She turned into Red's side. "Red," she breathed, "let Dembe get his own room for a little while so that he can sleep. We kept him up last night."

"Dembe, take some money and go get you a room. The rooms are all booked here but there is a little hotel on the corner that is just fabulous. You need some sleep, you look awful, my friend." Dembe rolled his eyes and did as he was told as he watched his employer and his wife enter their bedroom.

LIZZINGTON

Donald Ressler sat next to Tom Keen and wondered how in the hell he had gotten to this place. He hated the man sitting next to him, but not quite as much as he hated Reddington. His anger burned in his chest as he glared at the back of the seat in front of him.

"Cool down there, you're practically breathing fire," Tom chuckled to which Ressler glared at him. "Hey man," he raised his hands in surrender, "I'm just saying, we're going to need to face Reddington with clear minds. We still have four hours. How about you start working on cooling down?"

"You know, Tom, I've been thinking, I don't know if you should go in there. I don't want to upset her more than she will probably already be."

Tom looked down at his lap, almost looking ashamed of what he'd done to his ex-wife. "I know," he sighed, "but you'll need back up. I'll help you get in and then you can get her out of there."

The blonde haired man nodded his approval of the plan. "Has your informant said anything else?"

"Forty- five minutes ago he informed me that the body guard had left but that Liz had remained in the building."

Ressler nodded, praying that they would stay put long enough for him to get there.

LIZZINGTON

"Red, I need to talk to you about something." Her breath was a mere whisper as his tongue brushed back and forth over a scar on her neck. He didn't stop. "Red, please, its important," the touch of pleading in her voice made him stop his ministrations and look her straight in the eye.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He kissed the apple of her cheek and she grinned at his tenderness.

"This morning, you said that… or you hinted at the fact that you might want children. Do you want that?" She studied his face and he hers. "For me to have children? Y-your children?"

"Of course, Lizzie, nothing could make me happier." Elizabeth felt the walls crashing down around her, felt her heart constrict at his words, her lungs forget how to take in air. A lone tear, slid down her cheek. "Lizzie? What's wrong? I don't mean now, if that's what you think. Unless… are you already pregnant?" The inexplicable joy on his face crushed what was left of her heart and she pushed him off of her with all of the force she had.

"No!" she shouted as she stood from the bed and glared down at him. "I am not pregnant. And I never will be. I can't have your children, Red." Her voice softened and it was Red's heart's turn to be crushed. "I cant have your children, Ray," tears streamed down her face as she continued, "because I… can't have children." She finally sunk down on the bed, her back turned to him. Raymond, for his part, sat still and stared at the comforter, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry." the weight of her last two words conveyed to him how much it pained her to have to tell him this, how much she blamed herself for her… their predicament.

"Lizzie-" he began but she cut him off.

"Don't, Red." She stood from the bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door as a signal that she wanted to be alone. He heard the water in the bathtub begin to run, and only then did he allow the tears to fall. Raymond Reddington loved his wife to the ends of the earth and her revelation did not change that in slightest, but he had to allow himself a moment to mourn the loss of the future they would never have. There would be no little genius boys or girls running around whatever house they ended up staying in. No bedtime stories, no midnight nightmares, no whispers of 'I love you, daddy.' For a moment, his tears turned into sobs and he became completely unaware of anything going on around him. Neither did he realize that, much like him, his wife was sobbing on the other side of the bathroom door.

 **A/N: I know. I know. A lot of angst… sorry about that but all will be better! Please let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

Raymond cried for what felt like an eternity but what was in reality only a few minutes. When his tears had subsided, he remained numb. Sitting on the side of the bed, staring at the corner of their bedroom, he slowly came back to his surroundings. Looking at the clock, he registered that it was nearly four o'clock in the afternoon. The sun had dipped farther on the opposite side of the hotel from their room, leaving the bedroom cast in shadows. It was then that he realized that the water in the bathroom had stopped running, the noise of her gentle movements in the water the only sound emanating from behind the door. "Ray?" her voice was just barely above a murmur and full of trepidation, yet it beckoned to him both body and soul. Following her voice, he went to the bathroom.

He opened the door slightly and peeked his head in. "Could you… maybe… Red, I know that I've hurt you, and I cant talk about it at this instant, but I need you." Her voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears. "And I feel so damn weak!" Her frustration at herself eked into the air and made Raymond step fully into the room. "If you're too mad and need more time I under-"

"Lizzie, no. What do you want me to do?" the gravel in his voice made her make eye contact with him. She drew her body forward in the bathtub, making enough room for him to get in behind her. She didn't ask verbally, knowing that he would give her anything she asked but not wanting to trap him in that obligation.

Raymond loosened his tie, pulling the strangling thing over his head. He undid the buttons on his shirt as he unconsciously walked closer to the tub. Lizzie reached her hands out of the water and grabbed his belt when he was in reach, quickly unfastening it and the button and zipper below it. The man looked down at his wife, her concentration fully on her task. He leant forward a little bit to wipe the hair from her face and she stopped to look up at him. Red-rimmed eyes meeting red-rimmed eyes. Without breaking eye-contact, she hooked her thumbs into his underwear and pulled them down. she did, however, break their gaze when she moved herself so that she could help him to step out of both his boxers and socks.

When he was fully undressed she turned back away from him, towards the front of the tub. She felt the warm water rise higher on her body as he sunk in behind her. He ran his fingertips over her back, tracing her spine and giving her the shivers. As his hands came to rest at her waist he pulled her to lay back on his chest so his arms could fully wrap around her. "What if I said I don't want to talk about it, Ray?" she used her cupped hands to scoop water up and pour it over his bent and protruding knees.

"Then," he kissed the side of her head, "I would say that you don't have to tell me anything. I want to know, Lizzie, do not mistake me. I understand, however, that this is very difficult on you." He kissed her shoulder and Liz felt as if he was symbolically asking her to allow him to carry some of her burden. Knowing him, he probably was. "I love you, Lizzie, with every ounce of my being. That hasn't changed." Lizzie allowed herself to fully believe his words and she sank farther back into her husband.

"What if I told you, that I've changed my mind?" He was silent. "That I want to talk about it." He looked at her as best as he could from the side and could see that she had her eyes squeezed as shut as she could get them. Pulling one hand out of the water he gently grabbed her chin and turned her to face him.

He placed a soft kiss to her lips before whispering, "Then I would listen, and be there for you in any way that I could."

"I found out a few months before Tom and I began to try and adopt." She leaned her head back onto his shoulder, eyes still closed. "Don't interrupt ok?" He nodded and watched as a myriad of emotions played on her face. "I went to the doctor because we had been trying since a month after we got married and yet still… no baby. I went in, got the exam all by myself." She felt his arms tighten around her waist and she gently rubbed his arms, soothing his anger. "I hadn't told Tom about the appointment. It was horrible, though, being by myself to hear that. I had scar tissue in there. Endometriosis, they said. It coated the entrance to the actual place where the baby stays in my uterus. They said that they didn't know why it had formed, neither did I until recently. Or… well a few years ago. When I remembered the night of the fire, I began to remember a lot more than just that. I slowly began to realize that the man that had been the reason for my birth was the reason that I could not get pregnant." Now Red was confused. "I didn't shoot my biological father just because he was fighting with my mother that night. I shot him for every time he fought with her. For every time he held a knife to her throat in front of me. For every time that he came into my room at night and…" Her voice broke off and Raymond didn't want to hear any more. But he told her he would listen… and he would, no matter how much it pained him. "For every time that he made me feel weird. For every time he did things to me that simultaneously felt good and felt wrong. And then for the times that he did things that hurt. Things that hurt so badly. Ray, I was four! How could he have done that to me?" She turned to face him over her shoulder and saw her own anguish mirrored in his eyes. He bumped her nose with his, encouraging her. "I can stop, I'm s-"

"Don't you dare apologize, Elizabeth." His words were steel but his voice was soft, letting her know that there was no reason to be sorry and that the matter was not up for discussion. "Finish your story, please."

"It was after I remembered everything that I put the pieces together. I went to the doctor and presented him with what I knew. He told me that, while it was rare that this happen due to abuse, if the abuse that I took formed scar tissue, it was very probable that the tissue had spread and caused my infertility."

"That was the week that you stayed in your room without coming out for anything other than food."

"Yes," her voice dropped as her face drifted into his neck.

"Oh, Lizzie," he whispered as he kissed the side of her head and tightened his arms around her, "why didn't you tell me when you remembered?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. I knew that you didn't know about it and that if you did, you would only have beaten yourself up about not having gotten to me sooner, but there is no way that you could have known. You didn't even know me before that night."

"I would have been upset, yes, but Lizzie, I am you're husband. My job is to help you shoulder these things so that you don't have to do it alone."

"It's too heavy," she whispered as she turned in his arms so that she was lying as best as she could chest to chest on him, the water sloshing precariously close to the top of the tub. "Will you please hold it for a second?" She placed her face in his neck and sobbed, and he sobbed for her. He didn't understand how a man could hurt his daughter as her father had her. He'd give anything to keep his daughter safe, to protect her from the evils of the world that his wife's biological father had forced onto her.

"I'm so sorry, Lizzie," he breathed into her hair over and over again.

Her reply: "I am too."

And there in the white bathtub full of warm water, the two lovers lay broken together, seeking from and providing comfort to the other simultaneously.

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